I woke up this morning.. too early..
Maybe thats how the bad day started, waking up with a huge pulsing headache.
Alex called, his dad is close to dying. I feel so bad for him, because I am the only one that can really relate, even though my dad just went to work one day and never came home.
I told Alex that I would be there for him whenever, he is the only child, that must be hard to face it alone (besides his mother)
I would give anything to have my dad again, Even if it was only for a couple months.. but I wouldnt want him to be in pain.
I wonder which I would prefer, to die quickly, swiftly, almost not knowing that you died it was so quick, with a heart attack or being shot or whatever.... Or would I want to go slowly, so I could say goodbye to my family, say the things I needed to...I would have preferred that with my dad...maybe he had come home and known that his heart was going to give out, to just sick and talk with us, to tell us all the things we needed to know, that I needed to know, to take care of the family, to do all the things he couldnt...all the time was sucked away from us,
No more fathers and sons, no more talks about what he did in high school, what teachers he had, things he learned....Things about camping that I was too stubborn to learn...that I would never hear his say again...
Anyway, enough of that..
I went to a friends house a little later in the day and we watched a movie, It was pretty funny and it cheered me up (I have been feeling really down lately)
And so I get home, wanting to just go to bed..but I saw from outside that my bedroom light was on. I panicked!
Not only did it have my journal that is full of encounters with Alex, but it has really deep thoughts that I dont want anyone just reading (blog journals are a different...) I also have a couple of magazines that I got because it had a hottie on the cover.
So I run downstairs and my sister is sitting in my room,
She said she was helping me look for something that I lost (oh I forgot to mention that)
anyway so I ask her why she was in my room and she said she had a search warrant (that she printed out to be funny) but I was FUMING MAD!
She went around my room opening my drawers telling me where she put all my stuff, (trying to help but I didnt want her help going through my stuff)
So I look over to the drawer wear I keep my journal (hidden under tons of notebooks and papers) and I had realized that I had recently written in it, so it was in another drawer, in complete view of anyone that would have opened it. I quickly made her leave my room , checking to see if anything else had been moved, and I opened the drawer and there were clothes that were out on my dresser before, now shoved in that drawer, by her. My journal had been sitting right there when she opened the drawer, I dont want to even begin to think that she read any of it.
I know how nosy siblings can be, If she read just a little bit of my journal..I would be outed, she is a loud-mouth, and it makes me sick to think that I wasn't home for a good 4 hours....
She said she was just trying to help, that she would never invade my privacy (as I questioned her about my drawers) and I quickly shot back that,"stepping into my room while I wasnt there was an invasion of privacy!"
So hopefully she didnt read my journal, I guess I will find out tomorrow. A secret like that wouldnt be kept long if she was the one that knew it..
I am going to bed feeling sick to my stomach....
Church tomorrow....I better polish my "Im perfectly okay" mask,
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