I am sitting at home with nothing to do...So you guessed it.. Im babysitting.
I babysit alot I am like the "family babysitter" because everyone knows that since im not going to college until spring, that instantly means I can stay home every night watching siblings that could very well look after themselves, blame it on my mom or... as I call her, "The Warden"
You might be thinking that i'm being harsh, but you have no idea. Try meeting a person that treats you like a child even though your birth year of 91' clearly states that your an adult...
I have always been the one to depend on in the family, i've been babysitting since I can remember..
The thing that I most hate is being made felt like less of a person for not wanting to spend every day with my family. I tell The Warden that i'm going to the movies with a friend and she starts crying telling me that she wishes that I spent more time with the family... But isnt spending every waking moment with my niece and nephews and siblings enough? I wake up, and have to babysit. I get maybe 4 hours of a break and then what do you know, The Warden and my sister have to work...
Sorry for that rant..but i'm sick and tired of sitting at home rotting, I tired of cleaning random things in the house because I have nothing else to do... The real reason I don't like that I have nothing to do is... It leaves more time to think.. More time to wonder where I am going in life, wonder where I will end up when it comes to an end..
Will I be a rich writer like I have always wanted to be? A teacher? A stripper ;) ? I dont know what I want to be yet... is that bad for being 18? I just..dont know where to start?
Ugh I have gone off on another subject, back to The Warden,
Listen, you may think I am some heartless person that only cares about himself..but thats not me! I care about my family, I care about people that mean something to me.. But being around HER makes me insane!!! When we do get in arguments about my future choices for the upcoming year, she gets upset..then an hour later she acts like she never heard my side of the conversation, assuming things that wont ever happen..
I am just annoyed that my sister is old enough to watch my brother so I can get out of the house, but of course the Warden doesn't think that. But on the nights that I dont babysit, I think to myself, "Im free!!" I get calls and text from the warden every ten minutes asking what i'm doing, who i'm with.. So even when I'm out of the house, I can really never escape the constant questions..
My only outlets our a few close friends and this website, I am starting to like it here.... I can just pour out what's on my mind and not have to worry about it, I only wish I could spread it around the net. I am not asking for pity, I just want people to know that...im trying to be real with the world even though I have to lie to the ones closest to me everyday... It really sucks to have to make up excuses about why I don't date, I dont like lying but its the only option...at least for right now..
Thanks for listening, I am sure I will make another post "All about Alex" very soon.. There are things I just wanna ramble about him..both good and bad
But thats what my blog is about, The Good, The Bad & the Gay ;)
-Joshua
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