Cody

(Okay to start off...I wanted to try a new thing, a couple days ago before bed I set up my tape recorder and just talked out loud about all the stuff that I was thinking about, just talking to myself as if it was a blog post.. Then last night i typed it all up in blog form.. so yes it might be long and random.. but just bare with me!)


( A couple days before he got here)
Im just thinking a lot about Cody,

I don’t know, I guess its just weird how Ive met someone that is.. Normal.

I mean, You look at my past relationships, if that’s what you could even call them,
The losers, the confusers and the assholes, and I finally meet someone that is Kind, and I don’t know.. Gets me, because we are SOO alike

And I know what your thinking, my last boyfriend was a week.. But it wasn’t just the anime obsession, it was that we were so different on maturity levels. But… I feel with Cody that we are exactly the same, on so many things. He doesn’t like musicals, so that’s… not a deal breaker, but that’s alright.

I wish I wasn’t having so many worried thoughts about it, I mean he lives two hours away, and even if we did go out. Even if we WERE boyfriends.. he would live 2 hours away, and hes not out to his family, so theres a nother thing

He is just so cute, and so nice and we just get eachother.

Part of me, probably the paranoid part.. Is thinking this is all an act, that he really as into as he says.. I JUST WANT IT TO LAST

He talks about marriage, he wants to get married someday, I think that’s amazing.. I have always wanted to get married someday, meet a nice guy and settle down. Being Gay isn’t about partying or endless sex with random strangers, Being gay is choosing and loving the fact that you want a man instead of a woman, Or a Woman instead of a man (for the all the lesbians, I didn’t want to leave them out!) Being Gay, at least in my opinion is being happy, being comfortable with what you like, and how you like it. I am not a partier , I don’t take drugs and go to Gay Bars and have sex with random strangers, I am more then that, there is more to me then just being Gay, and it irritates me when I see the couple walking by me that glares at me when I’m holding hands with someone.

I am sick of the mothers in church looking nervous when I talk to their kids, The Bishop at the church doesn’t even talk to me, For a place that teaches “Unconditional love and understanding,” they are doing a shitty job! I love the church, I just don’t love the people. There are so many times where I just wanted to get up and say something, to call everyone on their narrow-minded shit! I am a human being! I deserved to LOVE WHAT I LOVE!

Anyway, back to Cody..

I think with him a new adventure. I just worry that since we live hours away, we cant see each other often, that he will find someone else. He is moving down here in the Fall, what if he meets his dream guy here.. I guess I would be happy for him, I just don’t know..

I just don’t know..

I just wish I could get into a relationship and LIKE it, and LOVE it. And not worry so damn much!

I mean me and Cody have been talking for , on and off for a month or two. I mean we just barely met on the 15 of feburary, a week and 3 days ago..

I seem to fall very hard and fast, and I’ve fallen for Cody, I just hope it works out.

When I think about him… he takes my breath away! I don’t want to sound cheesy but he does! He just makes me feel so good, he makes me smile! I don’t know I don’t think we can go much slower then we are..

I like him a lot. But I just I don’t know if it can work for this once a month viewing, I guess Friday will tell..

I guess 2 hours isn’t that far of a drive.. I am trying to think of anything else I want to talk about

OH! The Warden, sat me down and asked me when my Gay thoughts started to surface.. I had thought she had forgotten, she never talks about it. Never EVER brings it up. But.. I told her that it was around Middle School, Now that I think back I think I’ve always known, She was wondering because I used to have a crush on a girl in my 3rd grade class or something, and she was wondering why it didn’t work out with her, the way she asked it.. Wasn’t curious, it was RUDE..

Alright wish me luck for Friday! I love you all!

I hope you are doing well!

Love The Friendly Neighborhood Gay!

-Joshua



CODY ARRIVING!


I had an amazing weekend, He met me at ColdStone at 1 oclock. We had ice cream, then left to go drive around town. We drove right to the Metal Park and that was probably a bad idea because he ended up getting really sick! Before we made it down to the actual metal park, we both just sat on a bench holding hands… It was so nice to just sit there with him, the weather was overcast, the icy wind was blowing, it was just wonderful!
We then decided we would go to Grandma Toblers for a brownie, and ended up walking over to the movies to see if anything was playing. I wanted to see Valentines Day, it looked like a cute Lovey Movie! He wanted to see The Crazies, about a town that turns into zombies, VERY ROMANTIC! Lol! We ended up going in and there was like 3 other people in the entire theater. We went walking in he ended pushing me against the theater walls and kissed me. Our first kiss! It was very passionate, just us and the dark theater. We finally made it to our seats in the back and ended up making out for a good portion of the movie.

I got the basic story of The Crazies, we came up for air a couple times and saw very gory zombie like scenes, and ended up going back to kissing. I thought it was kinda funny, if the other people were to look back, they would see us all over eachother.. Ha, two guys making out at a bloody zombie movie… ha..

After the movie ended we ended up going to the hotel, we checked in. I was nervous to see what the room looked like. It was actually really nice, a giant king bed, big t.v.
We dropped off the stuff and went to go see Grace, she was at the college.

I wasn’t really feeling well, I was kinda light-headed and my stomach hurt so I don’t really remember anything really about some of the things… We went back to the hotel and took a nap, we held eachother and kissed and it was just very relaxing and calm to just sit for hours holding eachother talking. Before I knew it, it was midnight and we were getting dressed to go to Dennys for Midnight Fries. Something that Cody did a lot apparently with his friends. We went and cuddled in a corner booth and ate fries lol. We got back to the hotel >>>>>>.>>>>>>>>>>>>> Fast FORWARD>>>>>>>>>>>>>

4 A.M. We laid there holding eachother and fell asleep. It was nice! Woke up at 8. Kissed some more.

Oh! Did I happen to mention that at the movie theater he asked me to be his boyfriend, so that was nice, I said YES of course, In the midst of all the kissing he told me that he loved me. I kinda panicked inside. I mean I LIKE him A LOT! But I mean this was technically our second date, I just didn’t want anything to be fast because I wanted things to last with him. He is a really great guy, we have soOOO much in common, I can see us together in the future.

I mean don’t get me wrong, I LOVED every second with him, but making out for HOURS AND HOURS when my stomach kinda hurt and with a headache, I didn’t really get SICK of him, that’s not the right word. But.. I was just like… I don’t know.. I felt like I had a Cody Overdose. Hopefully that doesn’t make me a horrible person for saying so,


We were together from 1:00 p.m. Friday, to Saturday 1. P.M. I think I’m falling in love with him, I just needed a little time to think, He is a really great guy and I don’t want to ever be sick of him, I don’t ever want to find some flaw… Because I am just broken I guess, I mean I met nice guys and just push them away… But I just don’t think that could happen with Cody because I like him so much, I think it will take some time to get used to.

The next time he is coming is March 13, he is staying over at Grace and Britt’s. I want to stay with him.. But the next day Me, my sister, brother and WARDEN board a plane for Disneyland for the week, so I’m not sure what I’m going to do.


So the wrap up my days with Cody, it was passionate, sexy, fun, romantic and AMAZING. He is the perfect boyfriend!

A quick meltdown moment I had tonight with THE WARDEN..

I am so sick of complaining about her, I just need to get the hell out of my house! I JUST NEED TO GET OUT! Long story short, another rule “No going to friends house on Sundays,” Even though Ive gone over to my friends house SO MANY times on Sundays, and all of a sudden shes adding another rule to the list!
No Boys over
No Gay themed ANYTHING in the house
No telling siblings or relatives
MUST ATTEND THE HOME WARD
NO friends on Sunday
YOU MUST GET A JOB
NO using the car on Sundays
No breathing
No laughing
No loving
No freedom
No friends over
No Gay Music
Be as unhappy as possible
No having a life when the warden has a day off
Family time ALWAYS
ENDLESS RULES! She could make up new ones every single day! Its ridiculous! When I stand up to her about them, She throws it back in my face, saying that im ungreatful, lazing, insignificant, SHE IS JUST… INSANE.. Fine Mom, I’ll get a job. I wont ever come home, I feel like we are back to me just coming out, COMING OUT SHOULD BE EASIER AS TIME GOES ON!

I hate how she plays happy family when its convenient for her. Oh but when I want to leave the house or live my life she smacks another rule on the list. I will have to make an actual rule chart so she doesn’t keep adding on to it, SHE is like discriminating (if that’s even the right word) in her own family. I am sick to my stomach right now…. Is that what she wanted? To just drive me away from her? If so.. she drove me a LONG time ago, Her not being in my life when I move out, is HER LOSS.. Not mine..

She has just been the Vile Bitch that has ruined my life, not anymore, I’ll just forget about her when I move out, see how that works, once I’m gone. The rule list is DESTROYED, I am free to laugh, love, and date and hopefully marry WHOEVER THE HELL I WANT!


Love u all,

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thoughts, complaints and questions about life…

Love,

JOSHUA

Also I am extremely sorry for the HUGE blog post.. I promise i wont write for a couple of days and give you all a chance to catch up...