Hello there!
BAM! Midnight!
As usual I can't sleep... what is the point of going to bet at a decent time when it doesn't really matter most of the time... ya sure.. Lately the Warden wakes me up super early to start job hunting.. but whatever..
I've only turned in like 50 applications this month, and 6 in one day yesterday... I mean I just dont have any job experience.. I was a sophmore (i think) or maybe a junior.. when I got my first job... I feel stupid filling out the applications because I don't remember any supervisor names or numbers so I just put down those as blanks...
I mean no one wants to hire a no nothing idiot! ...Anway
I think the Warden might be hiding my mail, Cody supposedly sent this very long love letter, detailed with how he wanted to be together forever.. I mean I don't want to sound harsh but I kinda pushed him out of my head because ... He lives too far, he never visits, he's always busy! So what is the point in him being my boyfriend when I only hear from him once a day through text?
Bleh!
Gavin isn't even an option because he lives too far away and hes too much a partier...a very sweet, cute guy...but I feel like he would be too wild.. that he IS too wild I dont know
I want to publish a book... I want to be a famous author...
I have written Ellen Degeneres but apparently people have more "important" problems... She answered a letter today asking Ellen what kind of shoes she wore...or something like that.. like....okay.... Answer a question about shoes but when a Gay guy writes in asking to meet Matt Dallas and wondering how he can be a published author it..gets.. thrown away? lol Yes my request might be selfish... but I mean come one! SHOES?
I was randomly searching the net when I saw that one of my favorite books "Unwind" by Neal Shusterman (who totally was rude about the time I asked for Author and publishing advice....harumph!)
Anyway its going to be a movie and I am going to watch for auditions and i'm going to go try out, there's also a competition to see "Who deserves to go hang around the set" You had to write how much you loved the book or whatever and then you had to design t-shirts about the book.
I designed 3 front and back shirts and set them in... Can't wait to hear back.... One of the producers ACTUALLY e-mailed me right back (when I just did the writing part) and told me to keep watching the blog on their websites for casting call Dates.... I mean its a super long shot... but it would be fun to at least say I got to be in the movie like... One of the people in the backround walking or ... SOMETHING! lol
I want a job. I want to move out.. I mean I know I have a roof over my head, a cellphone, blah blah blah.. but I'd trade it to just be living on my own somewhere..NOT HERE...
The warden is constantly asking what kind of music i'm listening to, making sure it has NO GAY THEMES.... she checks what i'm watching, my Itunes, Blah blah blah blah blah... Hey Mom Go ahead and look at my huge wall of shirtless guys in my room! BLEH!
I mean there are so many things my sister (not to throw any one under the bus but since i've been thrown under OVER AND OVER) My sister and her scummy boyfriend smoke and hack and smoke, my younger sister can be pretty vulgar, she is obsessed with those "C.S.I." shows that has blood and gore but OOH! as long as no one is Gay then their fine... That is MESSED UP! So I have to watch what I say but my sister (both younger and older) can do and say whatever they want?
My little sister always calls me "Hey Homo," or, "Hey.. Ya HOMOSEXUAL" I mean yes, I am Gay, but I dont like being to called that in place of my name... it isn't right! Oh but of course since she's dating a boy now, and shes straight then she gets to say whatever the hell she wants... just...dandy..
I gave my blog link out to a complete stranger over Post Secrets Community, we have been talking and she seemed to understand secrets and secret life... So I decided to share it with her, she hasn't responded....probably got tired of the depressing content...
I've been told I should change my font colors and backround color... I don't want any of you "Drowning in Red Text" so those of you that keep reading, let me know how I should change my blog...because I'm the one writing them... I rarely read them (that's where all the grammar and spelling mistakes occur) So I apologize for the Endless Red.
Woah I got dizzy all of a sudden... I think i'm done blogging for the night.. sorry that it was pointless... Just a huge, detailed blabberfest on how I want...a lot of things in the world....
1. One being Matt Dallas ;)
2. A role in a major movie (Unwind, Breaking Dawn... etc..)
3. To be a published Author
4. To get a job!
5. To move away from Hell House and Warden's Horribleness
6. Meet a very nice, normal guy (If Matt Dallas doesnt work out) ;)
hm... is that all...
That's all I can think.. but the content is pretty intense and far fetched... ah well..
OH! Quick Book-Talk
I read "The Vast Fields of Ordinary" by Nick Burd
It was actually really depressing.. I don't know if i've already talked about this.. or maybe I dreamt I blogged of this (you know your insane when you have dreams where you blog)
Anyway, its about a Teenager named Dade (no not Dave... DADE) And how he hates high school, he's a senior and he is going off to college at the end of the summer, he has a very rude "friend" named Paulo (or something) That they are constantly "hooking up" Dade is Gay, and knows it. Paulo just likes... Being with Guys.. AND girls, but he is "totally straight" Wow.. I've heard that before... Paulo treats Dade like dirt day after day, and when Paulo wants to hook up, Dade gives in and then the cycle continues...wow..haven't felt that before... The feeling and thoughts where
"Just give him one more chance to redeem himself....He will love me eventually" Yeah... wow...Scarily Accurate to how i've felt. Oh! I was going to quote a Phone Conversation that they had... Because I had the SAME one with....Alex....Bleh!
Maybe its too personal.. or maybe you'll think i'm totally dumb for giving in..but to see my phone conversation on that page....*shudders* I didnt know I could be that stupid, and gullible! Let me find it.. hmm....
( I couldn't find the actual page number...so i'm going to paraphrase.)
I suddenly got a text that jolted me from my sleep
"You sleeping?" He asked.
"It's 3 A.M." I said. "What do you think?"
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"I need to see you" He replied
"Why"
"Use your imagination."
"Its late, i'm not going anywhere"
"Oh come on... see ya soon?"
"On my way"
Yeah...after reading that I was like....HOLY SH*T! Someone has been reading my life and making a book out of it, so many times, so many times in the book. Dade was pushed to the side so Paulo could act straight in front of certain friends, and sometimes he would deny their encounters all together...ANYWAY .. You will just have to read the book to see what happens... I don't mean to dwell on the likes of ALEX...he isn't worth anyones times...but just reading those pages, reading how lonely and confused Dade felt...Talking to his ceiling fan or reflection, practicing "I'm Gay Mom and Dad." "I'm Gay" I mean..wow... Such a book that makes you remember a lot of stuff... whether you want to or not...
OKAY.. NOOW i'm done blabbing..
I am still trying to figure out how to put a MP3 of myself reading this...though now that I think about it...is a dumb idea.. let me know what you think...
Thank you for reading, if anyone still is...
ECHO!! (Eccho....echho.....ecchoo....)...ah well...
Sincerely,
Joshua
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