Let me start off by saying that kissing Scott was a mistake, I thought "Hey if he just wants to try it, I will kiss him and things will be okay" well I was Wrong.....VERY WRONG!
So we kissed, in my car. And I will say that I enjoyed the fact that I was kissing someone my age, and it was his first time so it was kinda nice.....But after we kissed, I took him home and that was that.
A couple of days later we were supposed to be going over to my friends to watch a movie, when he told me to keep driving , (and since I made the first move last time I wanted to see if he wanted to make any moves) DUMB IDEA! What was I thinking? After all he has told me that he Likes girls and says that kissing me wont change anything because he just wanted to try it. I know it was super wrong to keep it going if I really didn't anything to happen.. Because I'm not really attracted to him, which is shallow...ANYWAY!
We pulled into a parking lot by the rodeo and starting kissing again, and then he says, "Your really making me confused" and I didnt want that, so we stopped I took him to our friends house because I had to get home, The Wardens new rules... "No fun" "Home by 12:30" blah blah blah
So on the way there he grabbed my hand to hold and says, "I still like girls..but I like the way I feel around you, I like being with you" and I pulled away and said,
"You have to face the fact that you dont want to be gay, you just "like" being with me. I have been down that road, I am sick of being an experiment... I want something real.. So we are stopping this"
And of course he protested, but what else was I supposed to do? Did I really lead him on this much? I will admit I like kissing him..but I knew it wasnt real...Ugh...
So now he says that he might be falling for me, and I just want to be friends and move on... I am not going down that road again, I wont be the friend with benefits again...
Now brace yourself for a mood change, and no I am not a manwhore...I just want to find someone like me, and I found him a couple days ago...
Hes super nice, super cute.. We have been talking since I met him, behind the scenes of a play I was watching his name is.. Jude haha, I'll name him that because that is his celeb crush.
I had known him since the Halloween dance I went to, I thought he was cute, but he was with a girl and I thought they were "together" so I didn't want to bother.. But he was so funny! The stuff he was saying... hahaha good times..
So I added him on Facebook, then finally sent him message, we have been texting for the past two days.. He is friends with Scott and asked if I liked guys, and Scott told him no.
But I quickly found out that Jude was extremely easy to talk to, and I was debating whether or not to tell him that I was gay..
He asked me who my celeb crush was and I wanted to scream "Matt Dallas" because he...is...so ....BEAUTIFUL! oh my...You dont even know.....ANYWAY, Scott was afraid that people might suspect we made out twice...which is completly dumb to worry about unless he told someone...hm..Anywhoser, Scott told me to lie and so I said, "Victoria Beckam" Because she is super pretty but i'd rather bang her husband twice.. ya know what im saying...;) okay sorry its late and if I am bein inappropriate... FIND ANOTHER BLOG TO READ! haha ooo!
Anyway and he types back "Is that your real answer..., Hm well I guess I would have pick Cate blanchett"
and I just went for it, "Actually my celeb crush is a guy named Matt Dallas..." and he sent back a quick response saying, "I have no idea who that is, but mine would have to be Jude Law"
and I wrote back saying "Oh! I love Jude Law, so sexy!"
and he writes, "So I take it we are on the same.. "Team" then?" Ha. it was just so funny how it all played out. So we have been talking and I just found out that he isnt out to anyone but his close friends, hes 20, has facial hair but I can work with that ... :) Wow I shouldn't get my hopes up..
He told me he wants a guy that can hold an intelligent conversation... but I am not smart...at alll! So thats minus points...and I am kinda loco... so thats minus more points...hm...
Just got a text from him... He wanted me to go swimming with him tonight....DANG IT! Too bad I am stuck babysitting.....LAME! I hope we can hang soon...that'd be nice..
Maybe I fall too fast... I am working on it.. But all I know is that we have tons in common..and I am super glad to have met him, even if its just as a friend.
So there you go. A kiss, meeting someone new, and falling for yet another guy...I know Im a mess... BLEH!
Thanks again for reading,
Goodnight!
-Joshua
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