Hey Jude...:D

Jude......Oh my goodness where to start...!? He is not only super
goodlooking, charming, kind, sexy..Funny...oh the list goes on he makes
me smile just by being with him, Being with him makes any sad thought
vanish completly. He is (like bella describes Jacob) "My own personal
sun" I am smiling just thinking about his grin, I can close my eyes and
see him perfectly.

I never thought id love facial hair so much, so sexy and it
suits him. One of the things I love about him is he has an opinion, a very
quirky opinion about most anything.

His house in covered in paintings he has done, AMAZING, Spectacular
works of art that are truly breathtaking..

And kissing him... Kissing him is like ....nothing I could describe, his
lips so soft and gentle, perfect. I didn't even mind the facial hair, yes it was prickly but never in the way, and it never distracted from the moment...

I was laying on him and I was trying to hold myself up and he says "Why
are u putting your weight on me?" and I was about to answer and he
adds, "it better not be because u think your fat, because you are not,
in anyway fat"

I've ALWAYS been self-conscience about how I look.. but being with him, someone that is basically my body type...its so refreshing! Not to mention that he is 20 so not much older then me.

I mean maybe getting my hopes up is stupid..but being with him...I felt
wanted, Wanted for everything, everything about me. And trust me, I want
every fiber of Jude, so amazing in every single way, every aspect..

A part of me wonders if I shouldn't be reading into this, but..How could
it not mean anything, this was stronger then Alex, it pains me to even
try to compare...because there are none, Alex is a coward, a coward whom
I wasted my time with and I can let him rot.

Jude is so much different so much better no, make him 1000 percent better
then oh what's his name....

We watched a movie when I first got there, I was so nervous, I didn't
know what to expect. But once I got there he asked if I was nervous and
I said I was, and he just pulled me close and we cuddled, he would
randomly ruffle my hair or squeeze me tight. And me laying on him,
feeling his heartbeat, so nice and refreshing.

We talked about everything, life, school, jobs. And every time our phone's would buzz and i'd sit up to let him text or whatever it was, he'd look up and grin and pull me back, saying it could wait. Time stops when i'm with him, the world doesn't matter.. The fact that I have no job, a crazy, controlling mother, everything just fades and all I see is him.

You may be thinking that I fall too fast.. But you have to understand how impossible it is to think of us is anything but together.. The night was so amazing, the connection we have is...so unique.

With Alex it was rushed, and then we said goodnight,

with Jude we kissed and just sat and cuddled, so great...hes so...great..

The only thing I am stressing is wondering if I can be the perfect guy for him too..because he is already sooo amazing.. I just hope that he doesn't realize that im not some great catch...

He messaged me and told me that we should go on a couple dates and see where those take us, I am so new to this.. He is just so great..

He isn't out to his family yet, only to some friends, same as me. I just dont where or when we'd go on a date, should I ask him out on one, I really want to but I have only been on one real date.. and it was with a girl whom I only asked because my family kept ASKING and ASKING for me to ask her, so I did. And nothing happened I mean we went and saw a movie, no biggie. I just dont know what kind of date to go on with him.. Should I ask him to dinner... But where...Dah! This is why I dont date..It stresses me out! Why cant we just be together, as simple as that, sitting on the couch just being there, feeling his heartbeat, Is he saying that we should date before.. Is he not as into me as I am into him?

So I am basically this nervous wreck now...Hoping and wishing I can be good enough for him.. Any advice from any readers would be most helpful,

Oh...I wish I could upload a picture of him, so handsome...so funny...I miss him.. I may sound needy but I really miss him.. after going a day without seeing him I cant stand it...But I guess he doesnt feel the same way.. I feel stupid texting him about nothing, but I just like to hear from him... I am a mess I know...

I do have a little bit of Alex news but I dont want to ruin this blog by continuing the idiot.. for another time.. or. not.. :)

I wish I could put it in words how happy I am, and I hope it lasts..

Thank you for reading,

Write to you later,

-Joshua