HEY I MENTION SOME STUFF ABOUT NEW MOON, SO IF YOU HAVENT READ IT, THEN...SKIP PAST THE NEW MOON STUFF.....:) THANKS
I dont know what it is, maybe the AMAZING MOVIE! I just saw (New Moon)
Or maybe...Kissing Scott.. Yeah...
Which to tell first? I am still not sure about Scott...and I didnt really want to think much of our kiss....ing.. .. But I am just not sure!! ALRIGHT THE MOVIE NEWS IS COMING FIRST!!
I have been counting down New Moon...for SOOO LOOONG! It was so strange to wake up today and realize that the day was finally here...I kept expecting to wake up, I know that sounds cheesy but I just looove those books!
Some people think its dorky or whatever to like Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn..
But I just looooove the fact that love overcomes all obstacles, Loved the books, and I am in love with Edward! I know... another cheesy line..but I just love the fact that he loves Bella so much.. I want that.. I want someone to love me sooooo much that they would do anything for me, and I of course I would do anything for them.
And of course everyone loves Jacob Black, okay let me get this out here, I like the actor not the book character!
Yes he is super HOTT, and sexy and....yummy.......WOAH! Sorry bout that. But I just dont like how he's always in the way!! I mean what is Bella thinking even LOOKING at another guy! Edward is a friggen Vampire! Vampires are HOTT!! How could you be with Edward then when hes gone, think about a Werewolf..? I mean its just not the same... But I guess it just comes down to if you like em' hairy on not hairy... Even tho Edward in the movie had some...interesting body hair...just gonna put that out there.... Haha okay I will probably regret some of these confessions once I wake up tomorrow...or.. Later today... If I offend you in anything I say...Sorry..
But Im prob going to keep doing it, so get used to it!
Oh Feisty today I know!
Anyway, New Moon was awesome! Can't wait for Eclipse!
(will till the Scott Story after this next one, dont worry) ;)
Alright, this week has gone okay.. Even tho ALOT happened
.. My mother has all of a sudden gotten it into her mind that she wants to move.. On sunday she said, "You know, I kinda wanna sell the house, but if not then i'm okay with staying here"
Monday: "Um.. Lets clean up the house I have some people coming over to look at the house to tell me what I need to do to sell."
Tuesday: "Alright, This is our realtor, he is going to put a for sale sign out front, oh and Joshua, get ready were going to go look at houses."
Wednesday: "Alright everyone, make sure your bedrooms are cleaned, There is lady coming over to take pictures to put on the website"
Thursday: Re-fixing the cabinets and making appointments with people that want to look at the house, A couple goes through the house..
I mean what is the rush all of a sudden, is it the memories that are here ? We already remember my Dad is gone everyday, she reminds us with all the stories she tells, the old memories. Good times, dating stories... I mean I love my Dad, I hope nothing I have said in these blogs have made you think anything else.. I am just still MAD that he left.. I think to how different it would be if he had never died....
Would we be moving? Would I be so open about being gay...at least to certain family and friends, or hide it to try not to disappoint...I could go crazy thinking about all the scenarios in my mind... ANYTHING other then waking up, starting a day completely oblivious to what was coming at 11 A.M... I wish I could go back to that day, and if I couldn't stop him from leaving for work so early...Gosh...he just...woke up and left...an every day routine...why that day... Of all the days he could have died, out of all the future years that could have been coming....What did we have such little time...I got 18 years... I have very fond memories of campouts I hated going on, him teaching me how to sharpen a pocket knife or make lemon squares.. He was such a good person...he drove me crazy..he picked and jabbed at me when I didnt want to hear it...telling me that I needed to pay attention in church, keep the preisthood so I could use it in my family.... When I never listened..and I still dont want to... I know what I want...and i just..wish I could be with men and still be able to be there for my family...but I know it doesnt work like that...
I miss him so much sometimes.. I dont cry around my mom or siblings anymore...I tell myself that he was in heaven.. that i'd see him again.. I have to be strong..I have to just.. deal with it because yeah...Im crying right now.as im writing about him and remembering all the good times, and of all the fights I wish I could have taken back...things I said....but no matter how much we all cry...he isnt coming back...I'll never hug him again for a loong time.....gosh.. sorry I got way of subject...but I just wanted to let everyone know that I miss my Dad....more then I can say...And I love him...But its so hard to live when everything we do, everything my family tries to do revolves around him being gone..Every holiday we go to his grave and bring something to put on his headstone, yes its beautiful, and nice that we have a place to go to know hes there..even though we all know hes not 6 feet under...hes in heaven.. but when does dwelling with the dead become a part of living.. The hurt wont ever go away, wounds heal with time but not giant holes...Like a busted wall we can replace it, paint over it...but every time we pass it we still remember there was a hole there..To someone walking by, it would be just a wall..but to the person who knew it was there.....the hollow image...never goes away... I just wish my nieces could have had more time with him...
Alright I know I promised some juicy gossip with Scott.. But i'll have to type it another night.. my tangent has got me thinking about my Dad..and I still feel ...Not ashamed..but..hurt that I KNOW he wouldn't have accepted me being Gay.. , you may think otherwise...but I know....
Thats enough for one night....
Goodnight. I'm headed to bed. Thank you for reading,
Your friend,
Joshua
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