What I Want...

Hey there.



Quick and boring updates before I begin a long droning blog post,

I am not moving out of my house into freedom,

Turns out the Wardens house isn't selling, so shes not moving a town away with the kids.

So i'm still stuck at home....


*sigh*




Alright so my post tonight is really just thinking about Love. I know , I know! I talk about it often, I whine CONSTANTLY about how much I want to find the right guy, BLAH BLAH BLAH!

Well tonight is different.. Well. Kinda.

I watched the movie that i've been wanting to see for a while. The title sounds a bit much, but if you can't handle it by now then I have no idea while your still reading this blog, you do know its by a Half Insane Gay man right? Okay just making sure!


The movie's title is "The Big Gay Musical!" and dont you worry, it was as cheesy as it sounds, it was about two guys trying to find a healthy relationship in the Gay community, They are also in an Off-Broadway play titled, "Adam and Steve:The way God Made 'em" (haha) Anyway, in the movie their friends are these big "Manwhores" that just want to sleep with everyone they meet (which reminds me a few people i know...) NOT ME! You thought I was talking about me werent you!? Well I wasnt! I was talking about someone else! I dont wanna do EVERYONE i meet! Okay sorry anyway..


It just made me realize that I dont want to be the Gay guy that goes to a party gets 110 percent alcohol in my system and just leave with a random stranger every night and "Hook up"

I want the real thing, I want to meet someone REAL and Date and have fun! I don't want to work backwards anymore.....
I'm going to try to change my attitude about being single, because I am tired of just hooking up for the fun of it...

I may sound like an idiot but i'm just done with fakeness, I want have someone there and know they'll be there, right next to me in the morning... ya know?

Every guy i've been with up to this point has been a very backwards version of how its supposed to work, I'm trying to be better, I'm trying to be a good person...


Okay i'm sorry, this was a random post, but that movie just got me thinking about how sad the "Sex every night with a random guy" Plan just.. leaves you empty at the end of the day, I hope I haven't given anyone the idea that i'm that type of a guy, because i'm not. I've made my mistakes, But I know what I want... I know that I want a Husband, a house in Ireland, and maybe...Even a couple kids..........................................................................................................Or dogs... I'm up for anything :)

Well goodnight,

I may be living in Hell, but I am looking forward to getting out soon!

-Joshua