A Change

Hey there,

It's kinda sad knowing no one will ever see this, well I guess they will see it eventually. But for right now my blog is set to private. My eyes only.

I guess I am trying figure out where I want to go with my blog, I feel like i'm only telling a story, but its always something that's happened to my fake name Joshua. I know how stupid that sounds but.. I just feel like I write what I feel but I end up making it seem like its someone else. I just need help creating a blog that's not Joshua D. but Me!

My friend Trina is coming for a couple of days, maybe I can have her help me create a, "Me" blog. I'll start working on it now. Maybe I should just keep this private for a while. You should never let someone read your journal. Even though I still have secrets and thoughts that even my blog readers don't know about, its alright.

I am working on a story, I got the idea from my new roomate. Dal.

I think i'm going to break this blog post up into different posts, after all no ones reading anyway... right?

-?

The Lovers Gate

Okay so I wanted to post this the other day but I had SOOO much on my mind I couldn't even blog it!


I went for a loong walk a couple days ago, across town. I passed houses and signs I have never seen before. Stopped in little shops that I had no idea existed, places that i've driven by soo many times but never bothered stopping.


It got me thinking, Driving is so impersonal. I met people on my walk, offered to carry bags in for a old lady (who quickly declined) maybe it was just me being in the mood I was in...just so inspired by everything.

The weather was wonderful, not hot and not too cold. It was a perfect in-between that I wish I could find in other places.

On my adventure I stopped by The Lovers Gate

I am not sure how long its been there. I drove by it often but I never REALLY looked at what it was. Walking past it gave me the excuse to see what it was,

It's a heart shaped gate covered with heart shaped locks, There is a small metal plate that tells all about it.

It's been used for proposals. It has names of lovers engraved on the locks, the date they started dating, first kisses, it mentions the date a loved one died. some of the locks even have pictures of family members loved and lost. So many memories, thoughts, Ideas, so many beautiful things in one small space its strange.

On the front of the gate there is a simple phrase. "Hearts Together, Love Forever"


Seeing the gate and realizing what it was made me cry. I could feel how much love each lock holds and It made me miss Dustin. Having someone there... I know he wasn't right for me...Because if we were meant to work out it should have. I screwed up. I've said it on here a thousand times. Keepig tally?

I have come to realize that i'm young. I am just starting my life and that leaves me plenty of time to fall in love, to fall out of love. To break hearts (not on purpose) and be Heartbroken. I want to one day , stand at the fence (or another just like it, I hear they are around the world) and add Me and My future boyfriend, and eventually Husband to the gate. To let people see that Love can overcome all obstacles..

My walk home was the most wonderful thing i've had in months, I really had time to pick through my brain and think about everything that was worrying me. I just realized that although some things in my life arent working out...There are more things going right then wrong.

I Have a really nice apartment,
A wonderful Roomate.
Amazing friends that will do anything for me,
Two amazing jobs,
A working car,
A new roomate coming saturday!
I have food...most of the time :)
A wonderful family... Though most of them aren't ACTUAL blood family

I will start being more greatful for everything.

I know its late to start New Years Goals but mine are ;
Get in Shape!
Be more Postive
Dance Like no ones watching
Be myself...NO matter what,
Help people out more


Oh! Random thought!

I looked at my Blog viewings and it says people from around the world have stopped by my blog, Its cool to see how detailed it is, though most of the "Blog Views" are from myself re-reading over them.
I want my blog seen more, though most is just whining.

If you live in my town, go find The Lovers Gate. If you dont. Then e-mail me and I will send you plenty of pictures I took of it. Research it and see if there is one in your town. Its worth it.


Thank you for reading,
I check up on all your blogs just so you know, so KEEP POSTING!

I remain Inspired, Thankful, Blessed, and... GAY!! ;)

Joshwah

Missing Something

I am sorry for being dramatic and ending my other post with a mere two words.


But in all the crying, talking and wondering.. it all comes down to two words. Its over.


I screwed up. I have said it millions of times, I didn't eat for a couple days. I just went to work and came home.

Dustin never spoke to me in person. he said it was easier over text.
Even though I screwed everything up, I still feel like he didn't try...at all.

My sadness slowly melted into bitterness, I feel sick to my stomach when I think about him because I can't help but wonder..was he it? Was he the one person in my life that came like a shooting star...so fast, burning bright and beautiful and left too quickly.

Part of me says to keep fighting...but he told me we werent meant to be, his posts on facebook are cheerful and he is always hanging out with another guy....he moved on in a week it feels like.

It doesn't help that we share some of the same friends. Ones that "Dont want to get involved" I feel so alone..all of the time..

And no matter how much I wish I could change what happened I can't. His birthday is coming up. I am not sure whether to get him something and send it with Megs and Alex to his party. Or not even worry about it.
The Taylor Swift song Back To "December" always reminds me of him.. I always disliked taht song when it would come on in the car when we were together because I hoped we would never need to feel sad when it came on.

Everything I do reminds me of him,... it kills me... Every smell, or places to go out and eat. Every thing has some linked memory that I can trace back. I feel even more like an idiot each time.

I'm sorry if Im going off on a rant. I just got my hopes up when I know I shouldn't have. I thought if I was honest with him 110 % he would see that I was honest to God, deep down sorry for what happened.

I feel like we put in enough time to make it worth it...should I give up or keep trying? Please...someone reading this...call me...text me...just...tell me what I should do.

I have no desire to go out anymore. I feel this hollowness that makes it hurt to try, to have to go to work. Knowing I wont be able to see him when I get off. Or walk into a party knowing that i'm alone now. That he wont be coming or sitting at the table waiting.


I'm so empty....



I've learned a lesson from this... "Don't do stupid things" Although it sounds silly I have learned my lesson...I've killed myself learning this lesson.. But what happens now? I learn in move on.. or keep trying...

Hollow....Alone....miserable....-Joshua

The Final Say

Its over. -joshua

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The Great Mistake

I know its only been a week since my last post. But life as I've come to realize can change in a second. In one bad judgment call,


Me and Dustin are taking a break. I will not go into detail because I have been killing myself from the inside out. I made a mistake. A bad situation caused a ripple effect and I, for now lost Dustin.

I dont want to hear your judgments, replaying his face in my head over and over is punishment enough, I haven't heard from him in days and I'm hoping that he'll somehow give me a second chance.

The phrase "You dont know what you've got until its gone" is one i've heard many times but i never truly understood how important it was.

If I somehow get a second chance with the most perfect man ever, I will never be stupid, i will make him feel like he is the only one who matters, because losing him has shown me and people like him only come once a lifetime. I just hope i'm worth a second shot.

I haven't been able to really breathe for 4 days.. i'm on the 3 day from not hearing from him....

-joshua

Fate and Changes

Hey!!!


Oh Dear! It's been quite some time since i've blogged. I mostly don't blog because I dont have a computer of my own yet...

There is so much to catch up on! lets see. The last post was around the 9th, shouldn't have posted that one. It makes me sound like a drunk. I'm Not.


Anyways. To catch you up on October the Girls and I had a raging Halloween Party. I dressed up as a Sexy UPS Man in honor of the SEXY Ups man that comes into my work all the time. Everyone loved my costume.

B dressed as WonderWoman

A dressed as a Sexy Cop

Megs dressed as a Sexy Criminal

We also had Dustin staying at our house for that entire week, A handsome guy that I had met in passing before. He dressed as Edward Scissorhands and it was pretty much amazing.

So the night before Halloween Alex and Megs went to a party up in Ceder and got super drunk, well it was mostly just Alex. They came home and it took 30 mins to get Alex up the stairs. I got some of it on tape. She claims she knew what she was doing the whole time, but I highly doubt it.

So the next Day we cleaned and decorated and cooked for the party, we had a pretty good turn out.

During the party I did the usual. Sip drinks and mingle, but Dustin stood out to me, so I would always talk in the same group as him and throughout the night we just got closer.
We finally started talking and making eachother laugh, I kept walking up to him and massaging his back, and i'd casually walk away. Then someone had the idea to go play hide and seek in the basement. I hid in the storage room and Dustin was first to count.
As he searched he finally found me and pulled me closer to him. "Found you"

"You don't even know who this is.." I said smiling, because it was dark.

"Oh course I know, its My Sexy Ups Man, Nick"
And we kissed.

The night fast forwards on to more flirting and such. We all had breakfast that following morning, Dustin didn't really seem interested in me all through breakfast and I was just going to count it as just some amazing random night. But over the next couple of days we talked and he asked me on a date.

Let me just tell you that I always seem to work backwards, and it usually doesn't work out but it has so far, and I know it will continue to work out, but i'm getting ahead of myself.

We went on several dates, I asked him, he asked me, trading off but overall spending as much time together as possible. He is funny and charming. He is extremely handsome and smart. He is like no other guy I have ever met. He is just so.. normal. But by him being normal it makes him ever more Fantastic.
It's crazy to me that Nothing about him bothers me.

I look forward to how ever far this relationship goes . Oh am I getting ahead of myself again? He asked me to be his boyfriend December 12, 2010. :)


------------

Sorry to hurry and switch topics, but I assure you, This will not be the last post with Dustin in it. I look forward to having him in my life for a long time. I think I might be falling in love with him... But that's too personal to just sit here and babble ab0ut.

Quick updates.

I am moving out of the Escalante h0use. Me and Britters are moving in together in an apartment down town of Saint George. All I'm worried about is rent...:/...but things will work out. I know they will..


I've been more positive lately. Its mostly because I have a terrfic boyfriend , but it's really craazy how happy I am right now.

Oh and i'm working at the Movies again.
I'm trying to think of anything I have forgot to mention..


I guess thats all for today.

Thank you for reading!

OH AND A SHOUT OUT to Anna! Thanks for motivating me to write another post.

Your friend,

Joshua D.

Good Day

Today has been wonderful, its funny how little things can just keep you going.

To start off i'd like to just blog about last night, it was probably one of the dumbest things I have ever done, well.. not really dumb but just... risky? Yeah thats probably a good fit. Risky.

BUT FIRST! Lets rewind to 7 o clock, me and my Roomie went to the play Blithe Spirt at the college, it was BRILLIANT! I think it was 2 hours long, but it was soo worth it! Its about a writer who remarries after his wife dies and he accidently brings her spirit back and hes the only one that can see her and it causes conflict with his new wife, it was hilarious! I'm not going to ruin the ending, in case you ever plan to see it, but the ending was unexpecting! The whole play was just so well put together, stuff flying off the shelves from the ghost, ghosts skipping around, it was just AWESOME! I walked out of the play feeling inspired, I miss plays, I miss being in them... So me and my Roomie went home,


I had a tiny bit of Rum that I got from a friend so me and B drank it, I hadn't drank anything FOREVER, and we were bored. So we got a little buzzed and then waited for my other awesome roomies to come home. When they finally got home me and B were just lounging around the house in our "Sexy Outfits" B: Wearing fish-nets, high heels and her Stripper outfit, Me; Wearing some short pants, my Chippendale Dancer Cuffs and neck tie thingy, anyway so after being locked out of the house (which I didnt mind, let the neighbors stare lol) we came inside and got dressed. We got invited to a party at "The Apartments" A building complex known for its wild parties.

By this time my poor light-weight friend B was totally drunk, and I was just a tiny bit drunk...Anywhoser we walked down from our friends apartment that we went to first, he lives in the complex A and the party was down at the C Apartments. We made our way down and the party was raging, we fought the crowd and got in, it was probably 100 degrees + in the main room, everyone was grinding on EVERYONE, it was insane! Mostly all the guys there were all shirtless, and I was in the middle of the dance floor inches away from all of them, im pretty sure they were all straight but I didn't care.

Im not sure how long we danced before someone shouted "COPS! SCATTER!!" So everyone just books it out of the house, people pushing and screaming and trying to get out. I saw several kids from my high school, including ones from my Seminary Class, So everyone just ran outside and ran in all different directions. Me and B ran to a flight of stairs right outside the door and I saw a couple cops out on the road headed our way, I grabbed B and we ran up the stairs I heard the cops screaming, "EVERYONE DOWN ON THE GROUND!!! EVERYONE GET DOWN!! BREATHALIZERS FOR EVERYBODY!" Me and Britt ran when we met a couple other people running up too, knocking on doors, hiding from the cops. I looked down and I saw a cop and he flashed his light, he yelled, "EVERYBODY DOWN!" and I said some choice words, not to him but just out loud. I heard pounding up the stairs, a guy motioned for us to follow him and we followed him to the 3rd floor and he knocked on the door. "Let these people through" And the guy behind it swung it open and gestured us to come in. B and I ran through their apartment, down a super long hallway where other hiders were making their way to other places, some getting ready for bed. We reached the other side of the building and pushed through the door, yelling back a THANK YOU to the very kind guy that let us run through his apartment.

We crept down the stairs that led out the back of the building and we ran all the way to building A. My adrenaline was pumping, it was the most crazy thing, I know that sounds lame but it was such a thrill! We ended up staying at my friends apartment till 5 in the morning, playing truth or dare and other fun, hilarious games.

>>>>>>>>>THE NEXT DAY>>>>>>>>>>>

I woke up for work in an amazing mood, I think the first thing I did when I woke up was laugh. I played back the events in my head and just laughed at how crazy we must have looked running past people in that apartment. HILARIOUS!

So I go to work with my fingernails painted Rainbow Pride Colors because today is NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY! Oh and I wore some glitter on my eyes and face, just because I felt like it.

I kept getting weird looks at work but I didn't care, I tried not to roll my eyes as ANOTHER old person came in. For some reason this week we've had very rude old people come in in large groups, they are all almost deaf and in a bad mood... So anyway he comes up to the counter and I remember him from my high school, he would always be a main sub for the classes. He was so rude all the time, and every day he would teach he would just be in a super bad mood So I wasn't looking forward to talking with him (mostly because I helped cause trouble when he subbed our classes) Anyway, he ordered and he looked down and his eye brow went up and he looked at me weird and pointed at my nails, "Sorry but I have to ask.. why the polish?" and at first I was kinda stand offish because I wasn't about to get a lecture from some random old guy, and I thought about lying. Just so I wouldn't have to deal with any comment he would no doubt have, but I decided to just come out with it (nice choice of words.. lol) "Its the Pride Colors, its the national Coming Out Day today" and he nodded and said
"You haven't come out have you?" -Old man
"I have actually, almost a year ago" -me
And instead of scoffing or making a face he smiled and said, "That's very nice, well good for you." Although a small line formed behind him we kept talking, he asked me if my parents accepted it. I told him no, He didnt mean to pry but he wanted to know how they handled it, I said my Mom eventually kicked me out.
"That is a real shame she would do that, I can tell your a very nice young man, and it shouldn't matter who any body loves.. Are you at least living with good people?" -Old man
"Yeah I am actually, I live with 5 girls." -me
*clutches his chest* "Oh that must be exciting..and dramatic..."
"Oh yes! Very dramatic " -me
His order came up and went to go get it, I helped the other people and he ended up coming back over , we just talked about schooling, what colleges were best, he said to go with what I felt was best, I told him I loved to write, that I wanted to be an english teacher, we then brought up that he had subbed some of my classes. He laughed when I told him all the things I remembered that he did, (I didnt tell him I was often one of the trouble makers.. im not an idiot! lol) He then stuck out his hand for me to shake, and I wish I could get this quote just write, but this is how I remember it....
"Well, It was very nice to meet you. I wish you All the best of luck in life, in all that you do, I think your a good person no matter who you want to go home to, people in life need to realize that no matter who you want to go home to, who you fall in love with and who associate with has nothing to do with who you are as a person. Because even though we are all different we are all just trying to make it through life, So Good luck! "

This might sound cheesy but I was tearing up a little, It was almost like he restored all hope that I thought was lost in people in this narrow-minded hell hole of a town. I thanked him and he said he'd stop in from time to time to see how I was doing, he really in all honesty made my day.

So the rest of the day went amazingly, I was kind to every single customer after that, (I already am, but sometimes I get tired and turn on the fake smile and I just switch to auto-pilot so I dont have to directly deal with people. ) I asked people how they were, what their plans were. Its funny how one person can change your mood dramatically.

After work I went to a Candle-light Vigil that my amazing and super cute friend Jay put on, He is one of the main leaders of The Gay Straight Alliance, he is super kind and loving to everyone, I think I might have mentioned him earlier in my blog posts, I cant be sure but he is one of my dearest friends!

Anyway, sorry for typing so much! I just needed to write down what had happened, from getting chased by cops to talking with a very wise old man, that just proves that there are accepting people out there in the world. It makes me smile there is much more good in the world then bad.

Thank you for reading,

JoShUa

A Single Moment

I know I keep saying that I wont blog anymore. .But believe or not.. it gets hard sometimes when all the thoughts in my head are just stuck in there.


When I blog I just open my mind and it literally just flows like a flood down my arms, into my fingers and carefully clicks at the keys until i've poured it all out. Its relaxing because I feel like no matter how difficult the world seems, it feels nice to know that my blog will just.. take all I have, all the negative energy, all the gossip and rumors. Blogs don't judge what you write down, they just simply sit and listen.


My blog tonight is just... how moments can effect us. I think i've talked about ripple effects in previous blogs, but its strange how one moment can really change who we are.

I saw the movie Easy A, tonight with my friend Micky. One of my Housemates.

The movie (No spoilers,I promise.) is about a girl Olive (Emma Stone) that lies about losing her Virginity to help out a friend, that one choice creates a chain reaction of just...well you'll just have to see the movie. But it got me thinking about the mini Drama that goes on in my life.

(I know I shouldnt complain about boys on here because thats all I ever do.. But this has got me feeling quite down. Though I know I should just move on.. anyway... Story time!)

So theres this boy, His name is Sean. Wow as soon as I typed that sentence I lost all drive for blogging tonight , haha maybe because I know its worthless talking about it, or maybe because it involves so many other guys (which makes me sound slutty but trust me,.. Its a long and pointless, on-going story.. ANYWAY

So he is in all the plays at Tuachan, I met him through my roomates. He's basically everything i've wanted in a guy, He even gets my random jokes or, i'll randomly say a line from a movie and he's the only one who knew the title. He is also hilarious and could make everyone laugh, so one night after all of us had a sip or two of mind slurring liquid... We kissed. Ha I think in the big book of kisses, this on lands in the back, you know where i'm talking about, the very back where it just lists random authors and publishing companies, no one ever reads that page.

I am getting ahead of myself as I often do. Sean has a boyfriend. They are actually pretty cute together, Sean and Rick, the happy couple. Anyway, my roomate told me that at the party he said I was cute, that he wanted to get to know me (which I was shocked thinking a guy like him would even look at a guy like me. ) So i got talking to him, found out he is amazing, ha our conversation actually started with his head in the toilet expelling various strong liquids and me saying... "Are you okay man? " Imagine my suprise when he lifted up his head and smiled at me, it was Sean. So I got him a glass of water, and we got talking.

We like all the same things, and in a moment he put his hand on my face and said to me, "Thanks for the water" (dont worry this isnt the part with the kiss, he had just barfed! Come on now!)
In that moment.. everything changed. To me it was a gesture of thank you, I was sitting right next to him and I had just helped him get some water. But to any outside viewer it would appear most scandelous, For the shadow that eclipsed the small over head hall light (which sounds super dramatic now that I think about it, because the person in the doorway (Rick, Sean's man was incredibly short. ) All it took was that moment, him seeing us to plant an idea in his head. (That I was trouble.) Rick took off up the stairs and huffed as and tried to talk to him, not that I owed him any explanation for the NOTHING that had happened, but to apologize for having it look like it was something it was not. I explained to him that I got his boyfriend some water, and we talked. Simple as that.


His boyfriend didnt like me after that night, when we would hang out and i'd be excited to see Sean, Rick would always be holding his hand or cuddling up next to Sean. Which made me a little mad but, hey I knew they were boyfriends, and I never get the happy ending, so I didnt know why Rick hated me so much.

Weeks passed and we hung out occasionally, then one night a event was planned where he and Sean would come over and play board games with the roomates.

They cam over around midnight and we set up a drinking game that someone had made up with playing cards. Each of us had picked our poisen and got busy playing the hilariously funny game, all the while I couldnt help but see Sean giving me funny looks and winking at me when Rick wasn't looking. No for once it wasn't in my imagination, I just had this feeling that had things be different, we could have gone on dates and had fun... Woulda Coulda Shoulda.. anyway, I devoted all my time in to talking to Rick, making him laugh, making special efforts to just try to appear to be the nice guy out of all of this. Because truthfully, I didn't WANT to break them up, it was my soul purpose to keep their relationship in tact, even though I had a crush on one of them. So I ignored Sean's looks and sexyisms and we ended up drinking away.

The game got old and everyone went upstairs, I announced that I was going to get a movie from my room to watch upstairs, I know its bad, but since I'm already going to hell i'll share with you a little secret wish I had. I wished that the laws of everything right and just would point in my direction, I wished that Sean would follow me down. Just so we could talk... we had so little time, and I felt like I was running out of time to get to know him. So I decended the stairs, not looking up to see him cuddling on the couch with Rick. I got to the bottom step when I heard his voice, and the couch making a noise
"Wait up, i'll help pick a movie" So I went to my room, which was clean...thankfully. And I started looking at the movies, he came up behind me and just held onto me, I told him I really liked him. That I knew he and Rick were cute together and I didnt want to mess up anything between them... He started kissing my neck and my heart literally sped up so fast it stopped all together, in a rush of messy thoughts I was torn. I really liked him, this felt nice.. But I knew deep down that at the end of the night, he'd be with Rick. And i'd be alone. So I simply said, "You should stop, if Rick see's this he'll freak!" and then he kissed me, Quick. Not even a second, he pulled away and just looked at me and smiled...I'd give anything to just have that moment last a second longer. But as Great moments tend to be, it was gone. All that wondering if he would ever like me back, the inkling in the back of my mind where I swore that look he gave me was more then he let on.. It just felt so nice. So we picked a movie, and went upstairs. Rick didn't even look at me, he was busy talking to my roomate to even notice I was gone.

The movie idea turned out to be a dud because we got a call from my friend to go over to his house, so my Roomie that hadn't been drinking drove us over there. Tall and beautiful Shalex driving, Megga Legga in the passenger seat, Britters, Rick, and Sean in the back, and me in the very back, open trunk area. The ride over was blur but Sean kept looking back at me and he'd look me up and down and smile, then Rick would catch him looking and smile at him and they started kissing.

This next part is a little fuzzy for me, but I shouldn't blame it on that... I knew perfectly well what I was doing, I could blame it on the drink, but that would be lying. Sean put his hand on my face WHILE kissing Rick and slide down to my chest and then down to my hand (dont worry not too dirty..wrong, but not dirty) and he squeezed it. So now I'm feeling.. Not sure.. Like a slut maybe, here he was swapping saliva with his boyfriend while holding my hand in the back seat...player...ANYWAY

The night went on with more looks, then when we got back to the house. They left without a word. Sean texted me an hour later and he said that he was sorry for kissing me. The fool I was I texted back "...you know what...Im not" Because truthfully, I was happy I got to kiss him, even for a moment. But he had told Rick and that confirmed all he thought about me. Rick was now completley sure that I was scum. Even though it wasn't my fault Sean kissed me, the fact that I liked it was probably really horrible of me.

So the days went on and me and Sean texted occasionally, he said that he wanted to hang out before he left for New York to be in a play, my time with him was an hourglass with only a few more grains, I knew that nothing would change between him and Rick, and I was a horrible person for maybe having a tiny flicker of hope. On the morning of his big going-away party I got a call.

I had been on the fence about going because I didn't want Rick to hate me, but I needed to see Sean again, its kinda like a inner torture thing with me, like you know when you get your braces tightened and you bite down and it hurts like hell but at the same time it feels somewhat good, so you keep doing it. Thats what its like with me and guys I cant have, If I see them everyday i'm reminded that I cant have them, it hurts like hell but I'd rather have that then not seeing them at all...

So I got a call from one of my Roomies, telling me that I could not attend the party that night. (Before the party was going to be at our place so I HAD to be there) but Rick planned it some where else on a whim, (wonder why) and called my Roomie and told her to make sure I didn't come. Rick told several people at the party (which some people asked about me) that I couldn't come because I had a crush on Sean and he didnt want me to be there.

So I sat at home. Wondering if Sean even cared that I couldn't go, I stayed away and I stared at the ceiling just thinking. Thinking how one moment can lead to another.

If I hadnt been at that party that night, I wouldnt have ever helped Sean down in the bathroom, Rick would have never seen us and had idea in his head to hate me. That party started alot of ripples that unhinged my "normal" life. That was the party that my Mom kicked me out of the house , Flash forward to where the ripples end in some places, I'm now living on my own, broke as hell but living. Rick hates me, I am not sure if Sean ever even liked me or if I was just one guy he could never do, That one night changed a lot.

Moments can change everything, for the good or for the bad. I learned that I can somewhat make it in life, I have the help of some pretty amazing friends, one being my amazing awesome cousin E, for letting me sleep in her guest room, for doing a million favors in more, that I hope I can repay one day.

I guess what the obvious point is of this blog... Take all the moments, whether they be good, bad, ugly, beautiful, inspiring, depressing, Lovely or hateful, take them all and just trace them back, remember how you got there , why you got there, and never forget to live in the Great Moments because once this is all gone... that's all we are going to have.

I can learn my mistakes, but thats what life is about... remembering all that we've done....

That one time I was rebellious and went to a party

That one time I helped someone throwing up in the bathroom, who turned out to be this amazing guy.

That one time we talked in class one time and ended up close friends years later

That one time you were cutting my hair and we talked about Boy Drama for the first time

That one time......Remember it, cherish it, live , breathe it, own it, never be afraid to make the wrong decision..it could very well end up leading to a right moment.

__________________________________
See this is what happens when I dont blog for a while.. it just...flows out in a SUPER long blog weeks later...
but I stand by what I said, im not perfect. To hell with anyone who thinks thats how they should be.

Love you all, thanks for reading... for those who made it to the end, you get a gold star.

Joshua