Unravelled

Do you ever have those days where you just want to scream and scream...

I've had quite a few the past couple of days,

For starters I am trying not to blog as much, somone told me that I dont really have the need anymore...So i've tried to refrain from opening up my mind and pouring it out on this page....I've missed it though, it feels like all this time between my last post has been me breathing in and holding it, and this is like breathing out, its so relaxing...

Work has been HELL! I dont know if its just me...but I seriously am struggling at work,

My manager has been on my case about EVERYTHING it feels like my first day at work again, she is always nagging, yelling and making me feel stupid in front of the customers, one day she says, "Why do you hate me" and I was shocked and I was like, "You know it takes alot for me to hate someone, and I dont hate you" and she looks at me and points her finger and says

"What? you want to put my head in the fryer!? You want to kill me" and all my co workers look over and look interested so my manager keeps saying it and they all look at me and I go, "I didnt say that, what are you talking about" and she just has this fake scared look on her face and she never says, "Just kidding " so my co workers think i'm a freak...

Oh and theres the whole problem with StupidAss Scott, if your a frequent reader of my blog you'll see him come up last year, he was this straight guy who wanted to try out a guy, (me) I never really like him like that, he just isnt my type.. ANYWAY! Fast forward to present time.. He has this boyfriend now that I knew in high school, his boyfriend is constantly telling me things like, "So do you still like Scott? I know you do, just tell me" or, "I'm sorry if you dont want to hear about our date because you still like scott" and NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TELL HIM I DONT LIKE SCOTT HE DOESNT BELIEVE ME!

Does it make me crazy to suddenly be able to relate to crazy people? or maybe I should say people who arent crazy but everyone thinks they are, no matter how much they say they arent crazy, it just makes them sound even more crazy, to the point where they get angry and OH! it makes them look EVEN CRAZIER!

Just like the days were you come into work in an okay mood and someone says, "Why are you so mad"
me: "I'm not mad."
"Yes you are! Why are you mad? just tell me!"
me: "I promise you i'm not mad"
"Okay , wow someones grumpy"
ANd by the time you get down to it, you realize you ARE MAD that they simply wont listen, it makes me want to tear my hair out!

So listen up! I DO NOT, WILL NOT, EVER IN A MILLION ZILLION YEARS LIKE SCOTT ASSFACE LOSERHEAD.

I am not jealous of him, I could care less what he does, THE FREAKING END!.

Ahem...

I just feel like i'm unravelling, which sounds kinda cheesy but.. day by day I just... feel like the rope i've been holding onto is slowly being cut, By my boss, by idiots who wont listen, How much can the rope put up with until it snaps?

I am not sure if I've already blogged about my sisters wedding.. I dont think I have.. but I can sum it up. (sorry I'm really not in the mood to blog anymore..but i've missed it...)

It was beautiful, my sister looked stunning in her dress, the grooms side was a bit scary... and mostly rude... but thats alright! I talked with the DJ the whole time, he was super cute and just my luck, he was Gay. :) We talked all night and kissed, He was alot of fun, but as my luck would have it.. he lives in Salt Lake. Ah well right? I'll get out of here one day I guess... Just not anytime soon...

I need some advice...How do you make someone believe you? Should I just not care.. but i've tried that.. not caring is worse because they never give in,...I hate people sometimes...I dont need extra people slicing away at my rope when I was doing fine cutting it myself...

Thats all for now.. Sorry if I seem Bipolar or whatever,.

I'll wait longer until my next post... no use reading this one anyway, if anyone still is...Hello? Anyone alive out there? *tap* *tap* *tap*

-joshua

Drowning in an ocean of thoughts

Wow.. ha here I am at the library posting..


Does it make me paranoid to hope that no one reading over my shoulder, I guess my posts arent as juicy as they were before, if you hadn't the few ones I have posted have been either really optimistic, or really depressing.



I finally watched "Remember Me" with the amazing and gorgeous Robert Patts,
I have to admit I wasn't feeling up to seeing it because.. I wont spoil anything but I had heard that someone dies...

I will let you go out and see it so I wont talk about it in full detail.. it just made me think alot of stuff.. How everyone has their own story, everything that happens in life has so many angles that most of us never see.

So if you in the mood to be depressed, I suggest you see it. I was already depressed when I saw it and it brought be down lower, haha but thats alright... I guess?

I have felt lately that I dont belong anywhere, even with people I should be trusting and depending on.. I feel like I dont belong with most of my friends, some seem too good for me, I know its probably just low self esteem but sometimes I can actually talk myself into feeling the lowest of low.. Stupid I know but I cant help it.. is there something wrong with me ? I ask myself that often...

I came to the library to talk about being depressed but i'm bored. Ha . I might cut this one short. Bleh

I really should go sign up for school.. it just seems like so much to do, its overwhelming..

Oh. I dont know if I mentioned that I wrote a couple of paragraphs as if I were being Unwound (from the book Unwind) and I set it to one of the producers of the movie and he loved it, Ha I dont know what I was hoping for, maybe.. I dont know having him call me to come be in the movie!? Lol but apparently what I wrote wasnt THAT amazing. My Prize (and i'm not trying to sound ungreatful...but.. ) Its a t-shirt. yaaaaay. Lol I know i'm a brat.. But I would rather have a role in the movie then a tshirt... but thats a long shot right? Why get your hopes up when you know it never turns out the way you want it to......

-Joshua